Pen state

Pen state

For years I’ve checked in the morning for the temperature and then asked Mike what I should wear anyway. He always replies (jokingly!), “something sexy. slinky.” My follow-up question is then, “will it be cold?” (I have a comfortable temp range of about 4 degrees, but I don’t know what the numbers are.) Yesterday he said, “It will be cold, but only if you’re a loser.”

I’m up to the challenge. Since I’m not teaching this semester, my structured dress code is a khaki skort and plain black (yawn!) t-shirt. More casual than TA-wear, but not Skanky Soccer Mom.

By 1 pm I was sitting at a picnic table praying desperately for a little sunshine to emerge from behind the clouds and warm me up, halfway tempted to rip up my copy of Mauss’ The Gift, which I don’t understand anyway, and origami it into a fetching cardigan.

I was freezing and exasperated. The goodness kept coming, as my pen started to run dry. I shook it furiously. I glanced at it, then did a double-take. What’s that word on my pen?

the pen

That can’t be right. Put on glasses. Look again.


I have no idea how it got in my pen drawer. It was one of the only ones left behind by the Mini’s latest pillaging, and it was shiny and industrial looking, which I suppose is how they attract their target audience. Marketing. Good times.

Stress monkey attack. Must rid myself of the pen. Can’t let anyone see me throw away a Viagra Pen. But it has no ink. And it’s not like there’s Viagra in the pen. Even so,…

Be cool. Wrap it up in a napkin, tuck it inside your potato chip bag, shove it into the bottom of your bookbag. No one will ever suspect that that odd lump protruding from your bag is a Viagra Pen. Smooth.

4 thoughts on “Pen state

    • Author gravatarAuthor gravatar

      This reminds me of sneaking items into your shopping cart at Target.

    • Author gravatarAuthor gravatar

      Hemmorhoid cream! LOL! I should have returned the favor while we were in Seattle’s IKEA, but their wares aren’t embarrassing. Just Scandinavian.

      Even now, if I had to choose between taking you or the Minimonsters shopping I would pick them.

    • Author gravatarAuthor gravatar

      Hemorrhoid cream!! I can’t imagine that anyone would do such a horrid thing to you!! Shame on you Banzai. But, it is funny!! I believe I’ll choose the minis!

      I was already busting a gut about you admitting that Mike told you to wear “something sexy”. Then you are holding a VIAGRA pen and then I read Hemorrhoid cream!!

      TOO FUNNY! Sorry, we all have sick senses of humor

    • Author gravatarAuthor gravatar

      This is weird to realize, but Mike has always said, “Something slinky.” Not “sexy.” After twelve years of hearing that, I can’t believe I recalled it wrong!

      And my friend Jennifer ‘fessed up that the pen originating from her house and her husband Pat gave it to Mike as a joke.

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